Winter Light

When I was a kid winter time was my favorite. I felt somehow my backyard got bigger and a whole new world was there because of the snow. But now I'm just stuck inside unable to dream, to imagine like I used to. Yeah I grew up big time. But I hate being stuck here with just me. I guess you can say I have a strange fear...me. I'm terrified of myself. Why? Because once I couldn't trust myself. I will let you think that one out. But it's hard forgetting some things and hard dealing with some things. And I guess the winter light just makes me feel down. A time of wonder is now a time of sorrow. But I thought I could get by this winter but he was suddenly shattered. It's not that I'm desperate, because I do have confidence with being independant. But anyone whose anyone doesn't like being alone. But I don't think I can ever find someone without the same things happening again. I'm tired of un happy ending. Thats why this time around I'm gonna let them find me.I just hate how its always up and down and waiting for the up or the down to happen. I'm trying to just keep my mind calm and easy. But I just need something to keep me going. I just need something or someone to keep my spirit up in this sad time. And I'm still waiting....