Your Air

I am overwhelemed
I am nervous
But it's so right
I let go
I breathe your air
And it's so nice
Just let me stay a bit more
Please don't let go
I promise you will be all right
I do not look ahead I do not look back
I just keep my life rhythm with you heart
I am stable
I am together
And its right
I am not afraid of you fading
For I have lost many times before
Just take my hand for the time being
And let me savor your touch
Because it is so nice
Let me breath your air some more
Let you lips bring that chill down my spine
Take me and don't let go
We interlock and I can smell you
I am more attracted
Why must you feel so right?
I feel so comfortable
So me
And I pray this night will never end
And I pray it's only your air I breathe

I'm dancing in your room, as if I was in the woods with you...

I want to go on a boat. I want to go out to the middle of the sea where all I can see is the blue Earth. So far away that I can hear the angels sing. Where your heart can make friends with the dolphins and sing to them over the waves as they swim by. I don't want to look back I just want to look ahead. I want to open my arms and fly. Then is the distance I see the sunset and I hear it call to me. I close my eyes and I can feels its warmth on my eyes. I breath in the salty air, and I watch the sun fall off the blue Earth.

I like quiet, because then I can hear everything. Everything on the inside seems to speak louder. I get in touch with my inner voice and just listen and feel. I remember all the hard days and I praise the good ones. Sometimes it feels like a dream, a second life, all the things that have happened to me. But without my past I would not be who I am today. I have grown. I am wiser and I am living a life. Right now it's a typical life with some extra special things. I am happy I am not alone. And listening to people and them telling me "Let things happen by themselves" made me step back and breath. I can't control life, I need to just let it happen. So I'm going to be lazy and not think too much. So far I feel more room in my mind and I like it.

But have you ever wondered "Is this it? Is this the life I am going to lead'? I think we say that because deep down inside we know there is more to come. I know there are going to be more hurts in life and more happiness too. I know that, but I do not know how. And at this moment I feel happiness and I feel I am falling back into a place. Maybe not the same place I used to be since I have grown a little, but I am not lost pieces on the table trying to fit somewhere. I seem to always have a very low low and then something happens and I'm back at a high. What put me here this time? Letting go and letting others open me back up. I have let a deep emotion leave till now it's only a memory. Now, I have a different something filling up my heart and making me have a reason to smile. I would hate to see you go and disappear, but I will not think of that. I will think of what you have done to me...You saved me from falling. That once again there is something good out there for me that is not hurtful in the process. You keep me fluttering. And without my friends and family I would not be rounded and home. My music and music around me seems to sound more beautiful then before. And the way I smile looks different...Looks like a new me.

Two times I have now escaped from myself and my fear and find happiness. This time with someone else too. This time I have grown a little bit more, changed a little bit more...I'm going to keep on going, keep on dancing.

Take a look around

Last night, I had a bad dream. I had a dream that my daddy died. You know how you can sometimes think where you might have gotten this idea for a dream? Well I'm reading Ellen Foster, and if you haven't read that book YOU SHOULD. Very powerful. Talks about a foster child and her story of her broken family with no mama and daddy and jumping finding a home. Even though I don't have a broken family this dream was still so powerful. I also saw an episode of scrubs where Carla loses her mommy. So that must have something to do with it. In my dream I felt myself crying and remembering everything about my dad. I thought it was real i remember things so well. That feeling that my dad is not going to walk through that door anymore. It hurt. But then somehow I woke up and discovered it was just a dream. A blanket of relief rushed over me and I was so happy. I wanted to see my daddy and give him a BIG hug, but it was 6 in the morning. But when I did wake up I saw my mommy happy so I gave her a big hug after seeing her in my dreams hurt. She was ok. And my dad when I saw him he was cleaning (like normal) and I couldn't help but smile and say "Yup thats my Daddy".

Its true when they say you don't know what you have until its gone. After somewhat experiencing my dad not being around I realized how much of my life was missing. My good night kiss, my hello in the morning, my hugs and pinches of my cheeks he does to me. I noticed how good my life is right now just for that reason, the love of my dad. Or the love of my family. Thats all I need. Also the love of my friends, I don't know where I would be or who I would be without them. People who surround you everyday become apart of you and after saying "Man, life is not where I want it to be right now" you can look around you and see who is where you want them to be. Its ok to be down but know you are surrounded by love and people who love you know matter what.