The ones that truly love you will find a way to come back....

We hold hands in a circle as we await the prisoner. I always hate this part for I am the one always who wants to forgive and forget. And these prisoners are humans which half I am, half of my family...So I feel like a traitor, myself. The doors open with a loud jolt and we hear the two men dragging the prisoner so it's feet are behind . I can't see anything yet but I know it's a man. He is entered into the circle and dropped to the ground on his stomach and his head is laying right in front of me. His hands look bruised and his knuckles bloody from a fist fight. His hair is dirty but with blond streaks.
"What is his crime?" The head master asks.
"Causing a scene in public, a fight with another man" Says one of the guards.
"And this fight, how did it start?"
"I guess the other man accused him of stealing and he got mad."
Then my head master leaves the circle to get a cup of water. He pours it straight on to the mans face. Soon you hear movement and he begins to wake. He starts to lift himself up and his face looks straight at mine. And my heart stops...I know this human. Yes it must be him I thought. No one has those eyes. The eyes of blue with the gold center. And his hair yes, the same dirty blond and it still looks soft even though he has been roughed up. He reaches for his mouth and groans and notices its bleeding. His lips stained with blood but still lushes. He is much builder and older then I have last saw him, but I know it is him. How can this be the same man I have known and loved so long ago when we were so young. And he is the one I truly have broken for I left him to come here. I left him with the lie of me, the lie of how I am different. For so long I have tried and forget him but for so long he has tortured me for I could never stop loving him. He sits on his knees and acknowledges everyone standing in a circle around him. And a sudden look of confusion is locked on his face.
"What the hell is this?" He asks with a cocky tone in his voice.
My head master steps forward and states, " You are accused with starting a fight in the public market. Do you deny this?"
"No" He says and he doesn't seem ashamed of it.
"Good, then you know the punishment when you have beaten someone else..." and he answered
"I do". I began to worry now, yes I know the rules and regulations. But I cannot watch him be beaten and tortured.
I see my master with the whip and I panic, and I know I shouldn't but I can't stand him going through anymore pain. He winds up and "STOP!" I scream. He looks at me with horror because I have spoke out of conduct. "What?" he says with anger. "I'm sorry but Master, I know this human and I cannot let you hurt him for he means so much to me." Everyone in my pack have looked at me with disgust for non of them understand how I am affectionate to humans. He puts the whip down and asks "You wish to just, let him go? That is against our order I will not allow it!"
"No no Master I wish to take him as a prisoner and have you hand him over to me and let me take care of him. Please Master for I am half human and he is someone that belongs to my human half. I need him."
There is a long pause and I know he does not like this. I see that the prisoner who I am trying to save does not remember me, he looks at me with such confusion it makes me sad. But he will not let this opportunity of a way out let by.
" But he broke the law he deserves to be punished"
"But his act of fighting maybe something of a human state a human mental disability that I can help with. I know him and I know he did not steal and just fought out of anger he could not control. Please let me take care of him and watch over him and show you he can change..."
My master is the only one you takes my human acts in and understands that I cannot help it either. And we share a great trust with each other. He thinks long and hard then looks at me.
"Ok young one, but if he does another act of no good deed I will have to punish him"
"I understand Master and you can trust me he wont"
I feel the tenseness in the room of my other elders and I know they are upset with me, rather my human me. But I refuse to hide my human half for it its who I am too. They just have to except that. They all scattered and I am left with my prisoner. He looks the same, easy going not thinking hes in great danger.
"Come" I say "Let me bandage you up". I take him back to my room. He does not say a word which I find highly uncomfortable and disterbing. I sit him down and take a wet towel and begin washing his hands. They're the same hands I remember, they are still soft to the touch. We do not share words but I know he is looking at me. I know he is trying to remember who I am, who is this person that saved him? I knew it will be hard to explain everything when the time comes, but I know that time has to come soon for we cannot sit in silence forever. When his hands are washed I finally meet his eyes. Oh how i have missed them...
"So umm thank you for saving me out there, but you didn't have to I could've taken it" His voice is deeper and more rough then I remember.
I smile for I know he would have complained about the pain to himself later but feel like he was a great warrior for taking a whipping. I simply say "I know".
He looks at me still with that puzzled look and asks, "Who are you"? I smile again and say, "I am someone who you probably forgotton long ago for I told you to. I am an old friend, an old lover from when we were 16" From looking down I feel his hand on my chin as he pulls my head up to look me in the eyes. He pushes the hair out of my face and his expression now is shock. And mine too for he does remember me! My eyes begin to water and his mouth is hanging open. And now he simply says, "I cannot believe it".

All I want is ti Rock your Soul

So its been awhile.....

And the grass is green. The flowers are in bloom. The trees are filled with the greenest leaves. Summer is arriving. And with that the sun. The sun is my humble friend and my role model. I have always felt like I am the rain. I am the water to wash the pain away. I am what falls on your cheeks to make you look like tears. For it always seems the faults and negatives over power my positives. And I want to be like the sun. To shine on your day and make you smile up at me. Brightness...warmth....intensity...serenity....happiness. Eternal happiness that's what I want to accomplish in my lifetime. But you can't buy happiness and you can't buy the sun. You need sacrifice you need a journey to get there. You can't have the ending result the outcome without the process. Like having a baby. You can't have that little miracle without going through all the uncomfortable annoying pain of pregnancy. But you get something great in the end.

So why am I bringing this up? Just sometimes I get down...And I mean down. Like debby downer SO down. And I don't know why. I just do. Yes I am mentally disable at times but hey everyone's got their problems and I can handle mine...At times. Just this time it was hard. I felt anger, pain, and betrayal that really blew me away and made me feel physical pain. And it was because I was experiencing a new sort of internal issue. The issue of liking something that you shouldn't. The one where your head says "NO" but your heart says "yes"......And its difficult to listen to 2 totally different sides of you constantly. I mean who can do that without being a little emotional. But which one do you listen to? The one that just makes sense that you should say no and walk away. But when you did, you felt wrong....like you totally went against everything and everyone. But to me what matters is me being happy. And if that means being "wrong" in some sorts then I have to do it. I shouldn't have to follow what other people think anyways. I'm a big girl I can make descisions on my own. And I can make mistakes on my own. I guess its like proving everyone wrong trying to find your answer to make it right.


My life will never be simple....My life will never be easy....But one thing I have learned is be thankful for what you do have. And what you could do.