But a lot has happened in the past couple months. I did some soul searching which is always good and healthy. What did I find on my quest? That I am someone special, and I don't need a guy to tell me that. That it's always better to love yourself before you start to love someone else. And just in time, and in a desperate search someone walked in on my life. My life has been quite enjoyable because of him. And because I know what I want to do with my life. I want to play piano. I felt I wasn't good enough to be a music major. But who really is? Its not about how many notes you can play and how fast you can play them. Its about heart. And my heart lies on the piano. I love to play. I feel it brings me to this new zone and new view of life. Its a ride each time I play. And when you're ever on a fun ride you hate it when its over. So I'm gonna let this ride keep going. I'm going to keep playing and I want to go to school for it. Maybe one day I can play on a stage infront of millions. Or write my own or play for someone. I dunno thats the fun part I have a lot of options. I can see myself as a musician. I thought I should be a psychologist....But I can't see myself as a doctor...
So I guess what I'm trying to tell you is really don't let what you think get in the way of what you feel. If you want to do it then do it. Don't let what they think is right get in the way of what you think is right. You will feel much happier if you follow your own heart.
So I think the last couple times I have been in love thats something I lost. I lost who I was and what I enjoy about myself. But now I'm finding those things again. I'm just being myself I guess. See I felt desperate to be happy after my heart was broken because I didn't have anything.....I lost myself. I spent all my time and energy thinking about making them happy when I didn't make myself happy. Thats why I was so depressed. So even if my heart gets broken again which I pray it wont I feel I wont be totally lost. I will have myself to fall back on.
Thats the way its gotta be. You can't lose yourself for someone else. You must have yourself for someone else.....
