my freedom

All I want you to do is understand. Just find that simple peace inside of you. I don't want to convince you I just want you to find it in yourself. I want you to feel the love I feel without working so hard. Just let go.

I need this place to survive. I need to find that inner glow in me I get when I come here. I'm not who I am if I do not come here. It holds my adventure my spirit. No one can take that away from me, no one will. I will not sit here and explain it to you if you do not understand it the way I do. I will simply go there without you.

You have to understand...This is who I am. I dream of dreams that cannot happen. I think of things that are not real. But I love that about me. Because I am not afraid to. I like to imagine and create things. That just my character. You will probably never understand and I don't care. Just let me do it, and don't laugh at me, don't put it down. For then I will not have respect for what you dream and admire.

Let me imagine and dream. Just let me be free.

All That I'm After

Just give me a feel.

I want to taste this new feeling.

Give me a chance I want to take down these walls.

I'll do whatever it takes to make you believe me.

I'll give you a reason to never look down upon me.

I just want to be happy, I get this life once.

With new ideas and feelings I never thought I had.

With new hopes and dreams I never knew I wanted.

Feet coarse from tough roads.

Eyes fierce from deep stares.

Scares fading from bleeding enemies.

I'm no longer scared.

I'm no longer worried to look down upon me.

I'll keep coming back to the side of the road.

It will be awaken.

The story will written.

The story will begin.

A thought....

All my life I've felt I have lived, for a purpose. I am living to change the world. When I was a child I used to play and have missions with my imaginary friends that needed my help. That needed me. I miss them. For when I was young and filled with imagination, everything was easy. But things are different now, and I guess all I want is to go back to that state of mind. Even if it's just for one more day.

Growing up, I have forgotten that feeling of dreaming. To dream and think was my favorite thing to do. But now, I realize I have to act. I want to find my passion and I want to pursue a goal. I don't know what it is yet, but I have some ideas.

And after all these years, I cant hide the fact that I am scared to be alone. I don't like to be alone. And I've always felt my whole life, I was missing something. I want things to go right. But this time, I don't want to think about it. I just want to enjoy my time, and appreciate what and who I have. I want to fight this time. I want to make this work. I guess you can say this is my goal as of now. And I just want to make it come true.

My Partner

I closed my eyes and devoured myself in your presence. And then I just let go. And when I opened my eyes, there I was in your room. You were fast asleep dreaming in you bed. Your breathing was heavy, your body peaceful. This will only take one night, and tonight is that night. I move closure and i sit next to you. You are fast asleep, your skin in glowing with the shadow of the moon. And I gently touch your face. You stir a little but didn't wake. I hear a car from outside, so I go to the window. I thought it was his father, but it was just the neighbor. But I hear you move a little more and your eyes opened. They opened wide. He notices me and is completely scared. He begins to sit up but I race over with my finger over my lips telling him "Shhhhh its okay". He asked "Why are you here? Are you alright?" I push the hair out of my face and I look in his eyes and I tell him "I've opened it, I've embraced it, and I want to show you." I could see a glisten of hope in his eyes and curiosity. I held is face in my hands, closed my eyes, pulled him closure and kissed his forehead. A rush of magnificence rushed through my veins. And next thing I know, we are in the garden. i can feel the sun on my back. I can feel the breeze of spring in my hair. I let him adjust. His eyes are wide, and hes looking around at everything. The trees, the sky, the glow in the air. And he asks, "Where are we?" and I say "This is the garden, where my mother married my father" and then I tell him "Look down". I see him look and then his eyes sharpen, and he reaches down and picks the little green flower. "Its a four leaf clover" he says and I say, "They all are" I see him look around and what looks like grass, is all four leaf clovers. On this floor of luck my mother and my father gave their trust, luck, and love. Here is where they bonded. Hes still in amazement but he looks at me. "You did it" and he gives me a smile. Yes I've embraced how to be home and be here in this other world. And I couldn't have done it without him.

A Dream I cant let go

I look at it...I want to touch it...I just want to feel the polished wood, the whites of the keys. The ways my fingertips fall between each groove, of each note. And when I play a sound, the vibrations though the tip of my finger, through my veins, into my heart. Giving me a warm sensation. I feel like I'm flying through the air...I wonder where it goes....How can a sound make me happy? So, I play more. My fingers fly, my hand changing shape and position to round with each measure I take. The pressure when I bang on the keys, the way the floor shakes. The loudness and and the motion of the room increases. I feel as though I'm running through the wind. And it is music I play..... Music I want to play, as I stand looking at you sitting, staring in a store window....

A familiar

"LETS GO STREAKING!!!!!!!" my friend Sierra says and I immediately start unzippering my pants and un buttoning my shirt. Its just one of those nights you want to be crazy with your girlfriends and dont care what happens as long as the next morning you can say, "What an awesome night". But then Im like "Fuck it" and I say out loud, "Its TOO cold". SO instead we just run and sing really loud down broadway. Friends always are the perfect ones to let you feel silly and do whatever you want and they dont give a crap. I love them for that. Its a cold October night and we all still have summer fever in our system. The leaves are changing colors and falling. The sky is crisp and the stars are awake. My skin is tingling with the cold. I feel shivers in my knees. I adore the cold. I adore the fall. And I praise the night.

Its not too long when we all had to head back to our homes. I turn the keys and head back. The sky is amazingly clear and the moon is around. I must admit I am quite sleeping but dont worry, I can make it home. Then all of a sudden I slam on the breaks. I feel blood rushing towards my face and both hands firmly on the wheel....Im breathing heavely and staring at a black cat, she just sitting in the middle of the road. And didnt move an inch on how fast as I was coming at her. Her eyes are bright yellow, shes just staring at me, so I stared back. I was about to honk the horn when it looks to its right and gets up and walks away. I just in disbalief. What a weird cat...

I get home, put my PJS on, and crawl right into bed. Im exhausted. But that weird cat still freaked me out a bit. It was probably blind or something. I start to drift into dreamland but, I feel a presence. I open my eyes, and I can see a shadow of someone sitting at the edge of my bed.....

I sit up so quick to strike when she says, "Its alright". And I say back, "Who are you". But she stands up and comes closure to me. Shes fairly short and wearing all black. I can barely see her right infront of me. Im freaked the shit out, but its probably just my mom. Maybe something happened when I was sleeping, or maybe shes yelling at me cause Im passed my curfew.... But her voice is old, and its fragile, as she says, "I came to give you something". "You are you"? I asked, and as I do Im terrified, its clearly not my mother.
"You dont recognize me"?
"No? Should I"?
"Im an old friend, but they said you probably forgotten us. Its so sad".
"Who is they"?
She shakes her head and stands up and walks to the window. And then she repeats again, "I have something for you".
She takes something from under her robes and comes closure to me...."Take care of this, in time it will work". She gives me a bottle as big as my palm, and its very smooth and very cold.
"What is this"? I ask and she opens my window and starts to make the position to jump out. But she turns to me and rushes towards me. She gets right up in my face. Her voice is shaken, she terrified. "The time has come. It is time. Its not too early when soon things will change. This is the beginning." All these words make no sense to me I have no idea what she is talking about but before I could respond she races over to my window and just jumps out. I jump up form me bed and look out. I see nor hear nothing.

Next thing I know its morning. My window is clearly shut and looks like it was never open. "Maybe it was all a dream" I say and it had to be. It starts to fit in, I was clearly tired and how can a woman climb through my window, when I was kinda awake, and jump out? I dont know. But as I start to get up I look next to my bed, I see a little blue bottle. About the size of my of my palm. I pick it up, and I cant even open it to see whats inside....

This is all too weird. But through my window I see something in to road....Its a black cat, just staring at me and my little blue bottle.

My Moon...

Dear Moon,
I'm frightened. I'm frightened that one day I will lose you, old friend. Not because you left me. But because I left you. You are my spark, my charm, and my magic. But I feel for this next year, I am getting older. Im growing up. And sometimes things just, fade. I never wanted to grow up. But its happening. I am growing up. The thrills and chills for things long ago have vanished. I feel as though I am the normal human being. My front yard used to be another world. Now its just there. The trees no longer speak to me. They've hidden in their roots. I promised her I wouldnt. And she knew I wouldnt, she believed in me. But I have not seen her, for awhile. Are you there? All of you? Watching me and remembering me? I dont know anymore. I've always felt I was strange and different. But she always put it as 'special'. But I never known myself from this peice of land. From these walls. I once told my mother that I never ever want to move because I have something special here I cant take with me. But now, I'm willing to leave that behind. And its something that I can never have again, something that is one and a million. And it burns in my skin to see how much I have changed. How normal I have become...So moon, I need you to always follow me. Always be there when I need you. Make me remember everything I once believed in. Make me stay awake through the nights. Dont lose faith in me.

Your friend....