Who am I?

And with these eyes I finally see who I am. What am I? I am only human, but with many cracks that you can't see. I am your mother who cares more for her children s health and stability then her own. I am your daughter for who has learned how to grow from you. I am your sister who you have watched change into someone else. I am your friend, who you have seen my playful side and shared laughs with. But I am also your stranger, who you saw crying in the hallway one day. Even though you do not know my name I was in your thoughts because you saw me, weak. Everyone wants to fulfill something in life. The only thing I want to do is live. But me, so young, has had demons. I am weak. I am fragile. I am not a stable human. But I am not alone. I don't want someone else to complete me, I want to be strong by myself and not search for a guy to do that for me. But, that doesn't mean I don't want him, one day. Just the day I am better. But the question is, will I ever be...? - 9/30/08


But I am just human...I have cried, laughed, and loved. I grow. I am still growing. And each new step I take I learn something more about me. And what I have learned is that I am never "sick" or "better". I am just me. I have problems but who doesn't? I have wonderful friends and family. My heart is healthy and beating. And right now with life I am happy. Something I fear is in the future, something that will bring me down again. And if that happens, so be it. I have taken my self before. I have cried till I choked and felt useless and worthless in the dark. I have been there done that. So if I go back to that stage I will know I can get out of it, because I'm strong. But when this does happen, which it probably will, I will not think this way. But a light will shine and talk to me and tell me these words...Then only to wake up and see you there telling me these exact words written from a piece of paper I have written. I just need you to keep reminding me...Who ever you are -12/23/08

Live

7/14/08
I would tell people to stop to just stop and be quiet, so all you hear is you breathing. To be able to hear the snow fall. To close your eyes and feel the wind. Feel the breeze. Feel the sun shine. Listen to your heart. Listen to others hearts. The rhythm of life. to look at the beautiful Earth when you first open your eyes. To see the green. To see the blue. To feel mother nature's pulse when you place your hands on her. The world is filled with life and love. Just accept being alive. Just stop and look around...

Some Works

Here are some poems I found...


Sorrow
When nerves come before friends
What do you do?
Just friends
What nerves come before emotions
You just stop
When nerves come before love
You just stand and wonder why
When friends come before nerves
And when sorrow comes before nerves
What do you do?
Forgive
I'm sorry...

I wrote this 8/18/04 And I can't remember who its directed to....



I'm Here To Survive
How could many years pass me by? Because it feels like I've been in the same spot all that time. Sometimes I feels so lost its hard to breathe. i just tell myself, "Its ok, you will see..."

My pain just seems to stay, but my dreams don't fade away. I'm ok, in the since I am alive. I'm ok, because I'm here to survive.

I stay by the light hoping God will see me face to face. But it seems so high and I can
t reach. I'm so small in this deep wide world. Hoping I'm alright. Hoping I'll survive.

I'm here to survive
I'm here to live life
And I
ll be alright

Don't know when I wrote this....


You'll Find The Day
Young child its ok
Listen to my voice I'm the same way
But trust in yourself
Don't give up
Even though you're weak

There is light in the dark dark whole that your sleeping through
Take the hand that reaches for you
Grasp it and feel it glow inside you
It will be ok
You'll find the day

Don't know when I wrote this one too....


Death
That Feeling. A cold chill that surrounds your brain and you can feel the breath of death. Its almost like time has stopped and you can hear the soul leaving the body. You breathe in slow motion. Its eerie and it feels wrong. How can something so scary be so natural.

Written 3/25/08

Blinded

What are you? What am I? Am I just a doll being tossed back and forth?
Why must you come in and out anytime you please!?
Torture, pressure, and betray me...
You will never fully leave
My tears fall
And you don't care
My fists fly
And you don't scream
You take it all in
You pull me out

I am reminded how it feels
His face flashes before me
And inside I am hollow
Stop blinding me...

But soon you and him fade, and I am left alone...
Just memories and dreams that keep coming back to it's sender
Why must I always remember
Because I have to...